September 20th, 2007

Today, I face a world that may not understand. Today, I hold my head up high, knowing I will do the best I can.

I am a 26-year-old woman. I am strong, and yet I am weak. I can accomplish and achieve many things, and I can withstand many challenges and pains. And yet, I am weak because the tears of my children will bring me to my knees every time, usually with a few tears of my own.

I don’t expect anyone to understand the decisions I have made. I choose to walk this path alone. I refuse to be, or allow my children to be, hurt again. The pain of their father walking away was enough for all three of us.

I mean, sure, my Mattie was little, and my Caity only on the way, but their lives were forever changed by his surrender, and thus, my sentence to solitude.

Yes, I am a warrior, but there are some things I just cannot fight. I do my best every day, but it is not easy, this path that I walk. I have fallen many times, in a manner I never thought I could. I guess I am not as strong as I thought I was, after all.

But, I try to show a part of me to the rest of the world I cannot see, even though I want to believe that it is there.

I pray, for my children's sake, I can find and choose the right path. I pray that I may find the peace and soundness of mind and heart, so that I may be the mother that my children deserve. For tonight, I must try to find a peace within myself, and the acceptance that it is okay to just "be."

So hjere I am.

SO I have decided that I was going to start Posting a lot of my writing here, instead of on my previous forum, the junior high hell hole, I mean Myspace. I thought, maybe I would be a little more free to speak my mind in this forum. Myspace allows for too much trivial bullshit. Whether any of my friends and family will find their way here or not, I have no idea, but we will give this thing a shot. There are several things that I posted on myspace since my last update here, but i am not going to copy and paste them in as that would just be boring and redundant, it was a lot of the same old bullshit that i have already posted, and no one wants to listen to me whine and complain. I have decided to take a new tack at this thing.

If I come accross something in the outside world that pisses me off, I will post about it here and ask for others to give their opinion also. I will be posting various degrees of silliness, i.e, if I do something incredibly stupid (some of you know about my new years eve escapades) I will lay it all out for the world to see. I decided, If someone doesnt like what I have to say, the hell with them. I am happy, and I am free to do what I please. After all, this IS MY forum. I can write about what I want.

I hope that people will find it interesting enough to read, as I am an aspiring writer who is looking at some point to publish SOMETHING. I have been working on this novel for oh, about 6 years now that just has never really gotten off the ground and I am at a point beyond that of writers block when it comes to the subject matter therein.

So here I am, in a nutshell. All the cuts, bruises, and various miscellaneous parts of me as yet unseen. For now I will sign off. I will follow this post with a warning and disclaimer, just so that people don't get mad at me.