Free time? What the heck is it, and what am I supposed to do with it?

So, any of you who know me know that I have never fit into the 9-5 lifestyle. I have always had at least two jobs at any given point, and between that and caring for my family, there just never seemed to be enough hours in the day. Well, now I find myself in a completely different predicament.

I had a recent, entirely too long stint in the land of the unemployed. I went from May of 2010 until January of 2011 without being gainfully employed. Then, in January of this year, I found a great job with a company I love working for. It is the perfect environment for me, and I love every aspect of what I do, a feeling I thought I would never have again with regards to the transcription industry.

The downside? You did realize there would be a down side, right? I mean, with the tone of the above, you had to see it coming. Well here it is. It is an employee position with a company that has a no overtime policy currently. Wait, I have to work a 40-hour work week and that is it? That so does not compute to my little workaholic brain.

Of course, I have an infant at home who, as of this posting, is 4 months old. So this should be a good thing to have that extra time, right? Wrong. Doesn't work for me. I am able to attend to my child's needs whether I work or not. There really is no difference to me, save for the fact that I work third shift so the sleep thing is interesting at best some days. However, I do not know how to work only a 40 hour week and then call it done. I never learned how. I cannot recall a time in my adult working career that I was not working 60-80+ hours a week, and loving every minute of it.

So, after beating my head against a wall because I don't know how to process "down time," I took a part time job. Yep. Sure did. Yes, it is doing the same type of thing as my primary job, but a little more low-key and not as intensive. Slight down side. It is only a couple of days a week, and the days off there coincide with my days off at the other job. So, still two days a week of thumb-twiddling, with nothing to do.

So then, I remember having had someone send me a link to something a couple weeks ago about being paid for blog posts, but I lost the link. I had been looking for some freelance writing gigs for quite a while, and just never found anything that appealed to me. So, off to Google I went to see if I could find whatever there was to find. End result? Some of the pay to blog sites are crappy. I can't seem to make sense of them, and their "hundreds of topics to choose from" are often very narrow sets of variations on the same crap worded a hundred different ways! Much frustration.

So now, my baby is sleeping, I am not scheduled to work for several more hours, and I am bored out of my skull. If anyone knows of any freelance writing gigs hanging around, or even any p.r.n. transcription work available (preferably medical, although I have done a little general, but can't seem to handle more than two speakers without getting confused or having some kind of reference point), drop me a line.

Also, if anyone has any topics they would like to see me write on, feel free to tell me. I am open to pretty much anything. Well, I don't think I could write "adult" content with a straight face, but, other than that, I am open.

Seeing as how I am in complete boredom mode, Send me an email/comment/carrier pigeon with a topic and I will see what I can craft out of it under my "Random Musings of a Crazed Writer" blog. Or here on this one. Or both. Come on. Bring it on. Anyone? Are ya out there?

Thanksgiving

So here I am again. Quite a bit has been going on here lately, quite a bit of which annoys the living crap out of me, but I choose not to vent about that today. (Maybe tomorrow, I won't be in the same frame of mind then, and it might irritate me again).

But it is Thanksgiving day. I Just took a look at my Facebook page, and realized that more people posted "Happy Turkey Day" than "Happy Thanksgiving." This reminded me that too much of the world has lost track of what these things are supposed to mean, and I felt like I should remind people.

Today is not about eating a bunch of turkey, passing out, and then waking up in time to watch the football game. It is not about getting in as much sleep as possible so you can hit the sales at the crack of dawn. And it is not about whining and complaining about how miserable your life is, either.

Today is about being grateful for what you have. It is about spending time with family and friends and realizing that life could be a whole hell of a lot worse.

Everything in life is about choices, and the biggest one of all is how you react to what is in your life. You can choose to be completely miserable, or you can choose to be grateful for what life has given you to make you smile.

So here goes mine:
1. I am grateful for the friends I have in my life who love me for who I am and don't want to change me into something else to suit their needs.
2. I am grateful for the opportunities that I have had, and the fact that I have a chance to make the future even better.
3. I am grateful that I am still alive and sucking air, because the alternative would seriously suck.
4. I am grateful that I get to spend this day with ALL of my wonderful children all in the same place at the same time.
5. I am grateful for the chance to experience new things and actually LIVE my life.


Most of all, I am grateful for the wonderful man I have in my life who is truly my best friend and will walk with me through anything life throws at us. We are stubborn and don't give up easily. Also, I have three beautiful children who are my entire world and will always be my reason for trudging through the rough patches, just to get to the other side and spend it with them.

There may have been some crappy stuff that has come down the pike this week, but I choose to not dwell on that and enjoy what I have and accept that things just are the way they are.

Well there you go folks, a fresh dose of perspective from the perpetually gloomy and pessimistic fool you used to know.

Inspiration in the strangest of places.

So, very rarely to I find myself stunned and inspired by the words of songs, but while driving this morning, I heard the words to "The River" by Garth Brooks, and finally realized what the song meant.

It is about not giving up, and persevering in spite of the challenges that may appear before you. Never before now have these words held so much meaning to me and my life, and the life of those I see around me.

I have found myself lately thinking about a lot of the trials and challenges that I have had to face, and often wondering what it is all supposed to mean and why it seems that so many things are coming at me all at once, with so many obstacles to overcome. I have a different outlook today.

Everyone will struggle at some point in their life, and if they do not, then they are not really living at all. I see so many people facing hard times right now, and find myself grateful for the challenges I have. My problems are relatively minor, in the grand scheme of things, and life really just is not that bad right now.

Yes, we are in a bit of a rough patch, but it could be a lot worse, and it is slowly working itself out. I cannot depend on anyone else to "fix" my life. I must be independent and face my own demons, of sorts, and find a way through. I am responsible for my own life. It is my life and I am the only one who can live it.

I find that when I feel like my life cannot get any worse, I reach out my hand to others and find myself realizing that it really is not that bad. It is so much more about the outlook and the way I face the challenges I have than it is about the challenges and getting through them. I am the captain of my own destiny today, and I choose to live. I cannot hide my head in the sand and hope that things will just work themselves out, because it does not work that way at all.

So, in short, be grateful for the challenges in your life. Remember that everything happens for a reason, and you can get through whatever life throws at you with the right attitude. It may not be easy, but you can get there if you just persevere. Below, find the lyrics to Garth Brooks' The River, and I hope they can inspire someone else today, as they have me.

The River
By Garth Brooks


You know a dream is like a river
Ever changin' as it flows
And a dreamer's just a vessel
That must follow where it goes
Trying to learn from what's behind you
And never knowing what's in store
Makes each day a constant battle
Just to stay between the shores...and

I will sail my vessel
'Til the river runs dry
Like a bird upon the wind
These waters are my sky
I'll never reach my destination
If I never try
So I will sail my vessel
'Til the river runs dry

Too many times we stand aside
And let the waters slip away
'Til what we put off 'til tomorrow
Has now become today
So don't you sit upon the shoreline
And say you're satisfied
Choose to chance the rapids
And dare to dance the tide...yes

I will sail my vessel
'Til the river runs dry
Like a bird upon the wind
These waters are my sky
I'll never reach my destination
If I never try
So I will sail my vessel
'Til the river runs dry

There's bound to be rough waters
And I know I'll take some falls
But with the good Lord as my captain
I can make it through them all...yes

I will sail my vessel
'Til the river runs dry
Like a bird upon the wind
These waters are my sky
I'll never reach my destination
If I never try
So I will sail my vessel
'Til the river runs dry

Yes, I will sail my vessel
'Til the river runs dry
'Til the river runs dry


Until another day, my faithful friends, I bid you and yours a safe and pleasant journey, and may we meet many times along the road that it leads you on.


--------------L

Caution: I am hitting that touchy religion and such subject here.

DISCLAIMER: This may very well go into a realm that some may find uncomfortable, and I will probably mention the subject of the "G" word somewhere in here. If this offends you, please just skip over this post.

_____________________________________________________



So, here I am again! Did you miss me? If you answered yes to that, then I am impressed that you have managed to handle the insanity I have managed to spew out over the years.

So this Halloween was a rather eventful day for us. As some of you may or may not be aware, several months ago, we started going to church. Yep, me. I know, you are in shock, right? And for those of you who know my husband, you must really be picking your jaw up off of the floor by now at the thought of the two of us sitting in a church, aren't you?

I know that many of you who might read this have heard my rant about my opinions on organized religion on several occasions, and I know I have said that it would take a severe blow to the head to get me to change my mind. No, I have not suffered a concussion or any other kind of head injury, nor have I had any life-threatening illnesses that have miraculously disappeared to get me to change my mind about things. And yes, there is a but coming.

When we found out the baby was coming, the realization came that maybe there were things in our lives that we needed to re-evaluate. I am not going to lie. It hit my husband first, and the going to church thing was his idea, and I told myself I was just going along with it because he thought it was what we should be doing and it was the right thing for our child to have that kind of support system in place when she came along. But then, as I had been sitting there for several Sundays, I don't really know, something changed.

It has been a rough road. There was a point where the doctor was convinced that the baby would be coming much earlier than planned or anticipated. They were saying that I would be lucky to make it to 35 weeks, and that we would just have to hope for the best. We had nothing, and no idea how we were going to prepare for her arrival that quickly with our limited finances. We received a massive outpouring of support from the members of this small little church.

And amazingly, we made it all the way to 39 weeks before she came. There was a bit of a scare, as when my water broke, it had that tell-tale greenish-brown tinge to it. (If you don't know what that means, look up meconium and amniotic fluid..it can be a scary process that requires an immediate evaluation of the newborn by a respiratory therapist and can cause a bunch of problems). Then it looked like she might have been tangled up with her umbilical cord a bit. But she is a beautiful, healthy baby girl with no major health problems thus far. We may be dealing with a little bit of acid reflux, but that is relatively minor compared to what I have seen around me with other friends and their babies lately, so I am grateful for the way things have worked out for us.

Any of you out there with kids, you remember that exhausting first few days or so home with your baby? Remember how tired you were, and a lot of the routine things that needed to be done kind of slipped to the wayside, because you were just exhausted? Yup..First two days home from the hospital..I was so tired from dealing with the baby that I completely forgot to eat unless I was reminded. And of course, since my husband was at work..there was no one to remind me to eat! Well, after hearing this, we received another round of support, and again, our needs were provided for for a couple of days while I could get myself settled into a better routine of being able to provide for my own needs. We had food in the house, but I just didn't have the energy to cook it.

So fast forward (I know, it was only a couple days, but it felt like a lifetime) to today. We took 8 day old Lauren to church for the first time, and she was in all her glory, getting tons of attention. Then after the service, we enjoyed a wonderful meal with the other people in attendance, and were given some support and assistance so that we could enjoy our meal and take care of our child's needs at the same time.

Then we spent the day with some very good friends that are really more like family, and it was one of the best days I have had in a very long time. Of course, a lot of the emotions I have been ignoring for quite a while decided to nail me in the head with a 2x4 by the time the night was over. I am very overwhelmed right now by circumstances that I have no control over, and no matter how much I want to, I just can't change it right now. I know that in time, it will get better, and everything will work out the way it is supposed to, but sometimes it is hard for me to see that in the middle of it. I am trying to do what I can to help myself so that I can be the best mom and wife that I can be, but I have to remember that if I forget to take care of myself, I am useless to them. In time, I know that whoever is really in charge of this shindig we call life will take care of what needs to be taken care of. We have never gone without and all of our basic needs are taken care of.

I have faith now that in time, everything will work out, it will get better, and we will get through. Thanks to those of you who have been here for us, and have supported us on this journey. We have leaned on you and you have shouldered us through the rocky parts of the road, and while I know there are more trials ahead, I know that with all of you beside us, we can get through it. I don't want to name names, but you know who you are. Thank you. We love you all.

Now, I am going to go stare at my little girl for a few minutes, and then curl up in my bed and get some sleep before she wakes up and sets our nightly routine into motion.

Catching up.

So, I realize that it has been over a year since I have written anything on here, but since I doubt anyone actually reads this crap anyway, no one noticed, so there!

A lot of things have happened in my life since the last time I wrote, and to get into a lot of it with the detail it would deserve will make this into more of a novel than a blog post, so I will try to summarize as best I can, lest I bore the living crap out of everyone!

Lets see, I did a ton of moving around, and then in June we finally settled into a little two bedroom mobile home. It may not be the Taj Mahal, but it is what we can afford and is a roof over our heads...the bonus is that said roof doesn't seem to leak in the rain!

In March, we found out that our family would be expanding, and on October 23, 2010, I gave birth to a beautiful little baby girl who is the apple of her daddy's eye and has everyone who meets her wrapped around her tiny little fingers.

Oh, I probably better add that on August 28th, 2010, I married a wonderful man who is by my side and walks through lifes adventures with me. He also has managed to not be run off by my craziness and rough patches, and is my best friend in the world whom I love with all my heart and soul.

Let's see, I think that covers the major events of my life since I have written last.

Life has thrown a lot of curve balls at us, but we have tried to roll with them as best as we could and while a lot of the circumstances might not be ideal right now, we are working through it and we will get to the other side stronger and able to handle whatever comes our way. They say whatever doesn't kill us makes us stronger, right?

Yep...Still here...

I am still alive. I swear. Things have just been extremely insane this last year and I have not had much time to breathe, let alone figure out what it all means.

We have had a rather interesting and insightful summer with my little man, now 6 years old and off to his first day of 1st grade!

We set him up with a therapist, thanks to some lovely events that occurred in his life that I was unaware of until after the fact.

In this process, we learned that the little man has SPD and probably also ADHD. We also had him tested and he is classified as a gifted child. I am anxiously awaiting how the public school system in Brevard County is going to handle this, and I will keep you all posted. Things are interesting and exciting and exasperating all at the same time. The behavior has not gotten any better. Some days, the outbursts are just downright ugly, with throwing things and kicking and screaming, and other days, he is a loving, wonderful little boy. I feel like I am dealing with two little kids in one little body!


Well that is my update for today. This being the first day of school, and my doodlebug off at Daycare, I am off to enjoy the day with a cup of coffee and a good book.

Best wishes to all!

stuff

Have you ever felt like your whole life has stopped making any sense? Have you ever felt like everything seems to be crashing down around you? Have you ever felt like you were losing your grip and you couldn't find a way to grab ahold again?

Things just dont make any sense right now. Things just seem to keep happening that I dont understand, and dont even realize are happening. And I dont know what to do.

It seems like everything is getting worse, and somehow I missed it happening. I dont know where I lost my way, but I have. I need to find my way back again, but I dont even know where to begin.

I wish i knew what the answers were. I wish i had a way. I wish somoene could see who I really am, but I dont know where to start with that, either. I know that this is not me. I know that this is not how I always am, and i know this is not how I want to feel.

I miss being able to know that I could pick up the phone and need to scream or cry and somoene would be there. I miss being able to be me and be okay.

More than anything, I miss having something to hold onto, and a friend to tell me everything is going to be okay. But I shut everyone out, closed every door, and burned too many bridges.



Can any of this come back ? I do not know. Can I find my way again? I dont know that either. Will anyone even read this or care? who knows.



Today I am trying, and that is the best I can do. I am going to do the best I can to try to find my way again, but I dont know how things will play out.

Yep, I am still around!

Hold tight folks, because this is going to be a long one, since I have not written in quite some time.

I have so many things that have happened since I have last visited with you good folks.

Life has thrown some interesting curveballs in my way these days, many of them related to my health, and today (hopefully) is the start of receiving some answers. Of course, my car decided to not cooperate in the process...I have had this thing only two weeks and it is being dumb now.I dont know how else to explain it....But, needless to say I spent three hours stuck without my car starting in the hot Florida sun!!!


On other fronts, things have gotten better. and on others, things have gotten confusing.

I am in this relationship that I am thinking I shouldnt have gotten into, that the circumstances might not have been in my favor, after all. But I dont know how to walk away either.

I dont know, I guess only time will tell. I am trying to keep a positive attitude and hope for good things, but it is not always as easy as it sounds. I guess time will tell what direction this is going in, and I just hope that the answer reveals itself before I completely go crazy


Okay, guess I lied, not that long after all. I will try to write more in a day or so when the dust settles. AFter all, the lab results will be in thursday, So I may have a lot more to say then.

Love and peace until then

Lisa