and yet the drama continues

People say that things happen for a reason. Sorry having a hard time with that one right now.

I miss my kids.. People are being jerks about things and it aggravates me. I was supposed to see them today, but i got called in to work. then i tried to call their father to make other arrangements, and found out that his cell phone was disconnected. Then i go by their apartment, and i hear them inside, see both of their cars there, and they dont answer the door. This is getting to be way too petty and childish and i cant take it anymore.

I wish they would grow up. It is not a good idea for those kids to not have their mom in their lives, and yet that is exactly what they are trying to do. I think it is incredibly stupid and childish.

And i know they are doing this just to aggravate me. But dammit it is working and i wish it wasnt. i know things between steve and i are over, and though at one point i stated the opposite, i dont care. i dont want him back, and even if he came crawling i would tell him no. i dont care. i cant go through this crap anymore..but i love my kids and cant live without them in my life. this is so unfair.

I dont know what to do anymore, it is actually a pain in my heart that i feel right now. if near-death was their goal, they have succeeded. but i am going to fight. i will fight with everything i have and i will not be ignored. my voice needs to be heard and i need to find a way. i cant live this way.